I’m a firm believer in never taking yourself too seriously. I know if I did, I would be one depressed puppy. If you’re having a bad day, welcome to this blog post. I’m happy to have one of my entirely airheaded moments help you laugh and find the strength to carry on (I say that tongue in cheek).
I’m a top graduate from a world renowned university (we are!), certainly by no means unintelligent… But, sometimes, my lack of brains never ceases to amaze me. I could cry about it and curse myself, or I could laugh. Laughing is more fun, so I choose the latter. I hope you laugh at it too and have a little more fun in this limited time we have on this crazy and bizarre planet.
Right before all this stuff went down with stay at home orders at the beginning of the Covid-19 crisis, I was making a visit to the gym. I flicked on talk radio, something I don’t ordinarily do, because I was trying to soak up some information about this impending pandemic situation. The rest of the stations were just Top-40 music loops.
The only thing I was able to find was Michael Savage, on one of the local radio stations. He was warning listeners about how people need to take Covid-19 seriously, and he was sneering at the fact that the political pundit Sean Hannity was downplaying the seriousness of the virus.
As I was happening upon this conversation, I was making a left turn onto Union Ave in Altoona. It’s a sharp right turn off of the exchange passing historic downtown Altoona; and your have to stop at a stop sign look to traffic coming behind you to the left before you merge onto Union Ave.
I look to the left, and know there’s a stop sign, but my brain is used to a car not being there ahead of me. As I’m checking for cars further up on Union Ave, Michael Savage, in his raucous fervor that he always rabbles on his radio show, proclaims that Sean Hannity is a “wallbanger” and graduated from “wallbanger university,” a pointed insult to Mr. Hannity’s intelligence.
Others describe me as a nice person, but I love a good insult. I love a good, unique, not oft heard insult on top of it. Wallbanger means other off-color things, but this is Michael Savage’s completely unique insult reserved for Sean Hannity; so unique, that it is listed with Michael Savage as the author as his unique insult for Sean Hannity. He even made it onto Urban Dictionary.
Anyway, stupid me, I start cracking up at this, not even because I agree or disagree, it’s just a hilariously unique insult. I was so entertained that I kept looking up Union Ave and not ahead to the guy in a Honda sitting at a stop sign.
My heart momentarily stopped – my airbags didn’t go off, thankfully, I just heard that disgusting “clunk” that means you rear-ended someone as you were driving. Ugh, I didn’t even have a good reason for rear ending someone! I wasn’t having any kind of emergency, my brakes didn’t go out, I wasn’t arguing with someone on the phone, I wasn’t texting and driving.
I was the ultimate nerd.
I was laughing at talk radio!
Are you KIDDING me?!
So, it figures, I had rear-ended a guy in a Honda SUV, the Honda was about as old as my SUV. He comes out all ticked off and angrily snarfing about how I wasn’t paying attention and pointing out how I put a crack in one of the reflectors, and I tried to convince him to calm down. What calmed him down was seeing that more damage was done to the front of my car. (He was probably a little satisfied). My Penn State plate was bend up and the license plate holder had cracked. I was relieved it wasn’t worse. But this was still rather embarrassing.
We agreed to meet somewhere up the street and pulled into a parking lot and exchanged insurance information, and I had told him how my biggest worry was how much my dad was going to either be angry or laugh at me for the reason I had rear ended somebody. The guy chuckled a bit (probably glad it wasn’t going to be him), and he assured me my dad should be understanding and that accidents happen.
This whole fiasco happened while I was on my way to the gym, so I finally arrived at the gym and made the dreaded call to my dad. Of course, at first, he was grouchy and wondered how I managed to rear-end someones car. I told him it was because I was laughing at talk radio.
Yeah, he found it hilarious. Not quite sure how I’ll ever live that one down. So, if you’re having a bad day, I guarantee your day was just about as bad as the one I had that day – or you are at least a smidge more intelligent, or not as easily amused when you’re listening to talk radio while you drive. (Like, really?)
By the way. I don’t listen to talk radio while I drive anymore.